"I'm not who I was.
I've lost focus on You, the only One Whom I need to focus on. I've been swallowed in pride and other worldly things, and I haven't been putting You first. I can't do this on my own. I need Your hand to lift me back up and pull me closer to You. I've been lost, but instead of calling for You, I've tried to find my way back on my own. But I only wandered in different directions and became more lost. So I'll stop moving. I'll stop searching. I'm calling out for you. And I'll wait here so You can come find me. Rescue me. Pick me up. Hold me close to You. And carry me home. Because I can't walk on my own any longer."
I wrote these words in my journal a few months ago.
This past weekend I had the great privilege to participate in a youth conference. I was moved and inspired during the conference, but a pinnacle time for me was actually the night before.
My brother and I stayed the night with the youth organizers of the event. That night, we all gathered in the chapel for praise and worship. I can't put that into words. No earthly words can describe feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit. (I know He is always with us, but we don't always reach out for Him, or notice He is there.) But I will say with outstretched arms He did pick me up. After listening to an inspirational transformation story from one of the teens, we all took a small candle which bore the word "hope" and lit it from a main candle.
We all have a flame. Sometimes it burns bright, other times it is dim. Then there are periods in our life where our flame has been blown out- either by ourselves or by others. But, they pointed out, all it takes is one spark. One spark to reignite that light. In that moment, I realized- relighting my candle was not something I could do on my own. I was wandering in the dark. While searching for light, I kept bumping into things- I couldn't see since my light was so dim. But that night, His light was shining so bright- spiritually and physically- that I could see it like a lighthouse beaming through all the spiritual fog which clouded my vision.
The teens there carried the light of Christ to me, and re-lit my candle of hope.
