I Have to Confess

So God gave me a kick in the pants today.

Allow me to explain...

Since Sunday I've been trying to get a blog post written. Once I was finally in the writing mindset with a mediocre idea, it was already 3 o'clock. The InterVarsity Christian club was about to start, and last week, after my first time participating, I had said that I would try and make it back. I decided that I would go again and see what happens. After all, wasn't I just telling my 4th grade catechism class last night that we need to become "BFF's" with God and give him more time?

I mean, what kind of friend ignores you all the time, except for maybe an hour or two once a week- and even then they tune you out? What kind of friend takes all the gifts that you give them without ever uttering "thank you" or showing any appreciation? What kind of friend is embarrassed to say that they know you, and act like they don't when they're with other friends?

Honesty time. ...I'm that friend. That's how I often treat God. I've been so caught up with school, teaching, studying, friendships or whatever other excuse there is to insert, that I find myself saying, "I don't have time to pray right now, I have to get this done." In church, my mind is on my to-do list, or that girl's shoes, or what I'm going to wear tomorrow. ...He's talking. I'm not listening.

He gives me gifts EVERY  day. Heck, He gives me the gift of every day. Here I am, not saying a simple "thank you"- not even recognizing the gift, but just taking it for granted like I have some deserving right to it. HA! Right, like I deserve to be alive more than that woman who battled cancer, or the man who was killed in a car accident, or that child who was lost to leukemia, or the one who was lost in the womb, or the one beheaded in Iraq.* ...What am I doing with my life?

That's a scary question. No, that's not true. The question isn't terrifying me. My own answer is. I don't like it. I don't even know what my answer is...what is it I'm doing besides the routine items listed in my Sherlock planner. That's not how I want to use my one life- my one gift. Sure, school and whatnot is important (no worries, I'm not dropping), but I need to change my focus. I need to reevaluate why I am doing what I am doing with my life. I need to make more time for the Maker of time.

Finally, and this one hurts most of all to admit- I'm a friend that pronounces my love to Him, and then turns around and acts like I don't know Him. A backstabber. Sure, I've mentioned to people that I'm Catholic/Christian and I've had conversations about God. But most of them were Christian themselves- where is the courage in that? And even when speaking to those who do not share my same beliefs- I may say that I know Him, but I sure don't always act like I know Him.

So...despite finally getting somewhere with my blog post, I would pack up and go to the Scripture study for an hour. Who knows, maybe I'll get some extra inspiration or something. (<or...just write an entirely new post.)

I arrive. The lights are off. There are three people in the room, but it was supposed to have started two minutes ago. A member comes informing us that instead of doing Scripture study we were going to invite others to join us.

Automatically I start saying to the other person, "Ohh, well if we're not meeting, I reallyyy should be getting this blog post done...so I don't think I can."

Excuses. (I mean, I did have an overdue blog post to write, but truthfully I was not so disappointed about missing out on talking to "random" [lol, so NOT random] people about faith, joining the club, "and all.")

As I was returning to the library, hunched under the weight of my backpack, I was about to pass their table. I guess I could join for a little bit. After all, I did block out my hour for this. They were asking passing students "What is love?" (♫baby don't hurt me♫...nah just kidding.) Well instead of hanging out for a couple minutes, I stayed for a couple hours, having an in-depth, insightful, and dynamic conversation with some pretty awesome people.

After the table was packed up, and most of the members gone, a few of us stayed around talking. I noticed a girl sitting at the table closest to us seemed to be listening to our conversation. At first I couldn't tell how she felt about it, but regardless she seemed interested. I kept looking to her, hoping for a break in the conversation so I could invite her to join us. After we had made eye-contact a few times, she did join us. She explained that she had a bit of anxiety talking to people, but then said, "I just love God..." and shared her incredible story. I'll just say that she's a walking miracle with some pretty unshakable faith. (I don't want to share her story here without her permission. Plus, I don't know it well enough to possibly do it justice.)

In the end, I was put in the position to practice what I preach. Somehow in just two hours, I rekindled and strengthened my friendship with God (He's that sort of Friend with whom you can just pick up where you  left off ;). I also made some brand new friendships. My reluctance turned out to be the spiritual kick-in-the-pants that I've needed. Will I grumble about doing stuff in the future? Of course! But maybe I'll be more inclined to take a chance and do something even if I'm not overly-excited. I'll tell you, every time I do, it changes my life one way or another. And after all, I was given this life. I want to do something great with it.

So my words to you- when you are feeling reluctant or not in the mood to do something...pay attention. It could end up being life changing. Perhaps in a major way, perhaps in a minor way, and perhaps in a way which changes the life of someone else. There are actually people and things to do here outside our comfort zone and hobbit holes.
Stop making excuses. Start making time. Thank God. Listen. Share. Do something with your life. It's is a gift. You only have one.

*I know God doesn't work in a "you do good-good things happen to you" way. That's a different conversation.